Personal Reflection: Mannix, K. (2021). Listen: How to Find the Words for Tender Conversations. William Collins.
Dear Human,
    In our modern age, inauthentic listening has been materialistically parameterized by âInstagram Post Reactsâ, âFacebook Reel Engagementsâ, âLinkedIn Followersâ, âTwitter/X Repostsâ, and âYouTube Viewsâ to give us a false sense of validation or âbeing listenedâ. We have also seen communities (including mine) tend to become increasingly more polarized (and unfortunately disconnected) amid tender conversations about climate crisis, Israel-Gaza War, corruption, election, and injustice. For the past months, I have been in a journey (in our library) seeking for advice, light, direction as to how I could understand and see my role in this very important chapters of our global collective consciousness. I am grateful to have found this book that helped me to go back and reflect on the value of âlisteningâ and âneighbourlinessâ (my new favorite word). I guess⌠we can begin by having `Listening Spacesâ.
    At this stage of my life and career, while I might not know yet who I want to become after PhD, whether as a manager, a community leader, a startup founder, or a professor of my own lab, with this book, I see that there is a kind of leadership that often we neglect â and that is being able to be a part of a tender conversation in our families, our communities, and our workplaces.
Take care and very happy now returning this book to Cambridge Central Library on 26th of August 2025,
Joshua
Opening the Box
Page 27. Listening to Understand
    In the rush of daily life, we consume information without taking a lot of it in. We have to, or we would be overwhelmed: radio, TV, social media, family, friends, colleagues, clients, phone calls, text messages, emails, conversations â we are bombarded by `âommunicationsâ, yet itâs rare that we feel we are truly communicating.
Page 37. On Tenderness
    âCourageous conversationsâ, âchallenging conversationsâ, âdifficult conversationsâ all evoke a self-defence response that is the very oppositve of the âIâm here for youâ mindset that these [sensitive] conversations requires. âTenderâ acknowledges the presence of pain not as something to be overcome, but as an experience to be held with sensitivity and respect.
Page 77. Using Silence
    yet sharing our difficulties is one of the keys to surviving them without becoming completely broken. To tell the story of a complex inner struggle takes physical and emotional energy, and involves the risk of judgment, censure, and rejection. Emotional reasoning is inherently biased, suggesting that feeling bad means we are are bad, and we may be found out if we tell our tale. Finding a non-judgemental listener is a validating experience, and it allows the story to be told aloud â to be hard anew by the narrator as they explain it to the listener. The simple re-hearing can be as powerful as any external advice.
Towards Change
Page 103. Listening, Noticing, Wondering
    When we ask âHow do you feel?â we may elicit emotions, thoughts, or bodily sensations; we can be clear by asking âWhat is going through your mind?â âWhat emotions do you notice?â and âWhat sensations do you notice in your body?â
Page 118. Giving Away the Power
    By offering to help and then carefully listening to the way the person would like to be helped, we can offer them the support they are preapred to accept. We give them control over our input; we give away our own power to build theirs. Once again we are back to listening, to curiosity, to discerning what we can provide that will be an acceptable contribution to this personâs problem-solving. How can I be with you in this difficulty, in a way that supports you best? Being with, walking alongside: not doing to.
Page 122. The Power of Not Fixing
    The power of not fixing, but remain alongside, is that it holds a space for someone to work through their difficulty and to own the possible solutions. It gives them power, it encourages their commitment to seeking solutions, and it demonstrates solidarity and supoort as they work their way through their trouble. We offer more consolation by holding a lost hand in a dark place than by shouting instructions from the safety of the light.
Building Bridges
Page 145. Thresholds: The Courage to Begin
    I donât know what to say. This is a sentence that helps us when we are lost for words. It is closely related to âI may need a moment before I can say any moreâ, when emotions are too high to think and speak calmly, whether from anxiety, anger, sorrow, or surprise. Owning our emotions by saying, âI am too shocked to commentâ, âI am too sad to talkâ, âI am too angry to think clearly right nowâ, acknowledges that although we have been engaged in a conversation up to this point, we may need a pause to reflect before we continue. [Other more deliberate examples are]:
- I have something very important to say/ask
- This may be an emotional conversation
- This may be difficult for you to hear
- I may find this hard to talk about
- I have unexpected news
- I am looking for honest answers to some difficult questions
Towards Connection
Page 265. Where are the Listening Spaces?
    A pause is necessary: a time, and a space, to experience the shock, sadness, and grief of the news. Only then is it possible to begin to converse rationally about the practicalities. And yet there is no space: we press them for decisions as they struggle to take in the news.
Page 268. Where are the Listening Spaces?
    The rush to provide âaccommodationâ sometimes failed to provide âhomesâ, with neighbourhoods, neighbourliness, and community identity being lost to social experiments of high-rise living or isolating suburban housing estates.
Page 280-281. Where are the Listening Spaces?
    What would it take for us to incorporate these skills of tender conversations into our society? What could be the benefits of becoming a âConversation Nationâ? In the end, this is not about other people. Those people with dilemmas and anxieties and stuckness; those people who donât know what to say or where to start the conversation; those people who need connection for theiur health and wellbeing; they are us. We are all participants on the dancefloor of humanity.
    Sometimes change happens, not when we wait for a leader and the development of innovative strategies, but when we act on what we already know. The need for connection affects all of us, change can begin with any of us, and we can all act on this truth: compassion shared transforms lives, and listening is a good place to start.